The Lovers Ball
by fliss
Summary: After Quistis and Squall share a forbidden kiss, she leaves garden.But she returns with an old enemy when someone dies under mysterious circumstances!Chapter9Quistis confronts Squall about her suspicions and Rinoa screams for help!
1. Default Chapter

This is a re-released story as I made a small mistake in the last chapter and apparently if I remove the last chapter I remove the whole thing. Grrr! So sorry if you get a strange sense of dejavu.  
  
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; the word is love" Sophocles  
  
We returned heroes. The whole world knew what we had done, our lives and us. We met world leaders, superstars and appeared on every TV show and in every newspaper.  
  
We were famous.  
  
Headmaster Cid held a ball in Balamb garden a week after our return. Nearly every SeeD that had ever passed thought the halls of Balamb, Trabia and Galbania gardens was there. The president, Laguna Loire, and his closest friends, Kiros and Ward were there.  
  
There was one person missing though, Seifer. He had not been excused for his crimes, even though he had claimed to be under mind control by Ultimecia.  
  
I visited him in a high-tech Ethar prison. He was a broken man, thin, scared, and barely able to speak. I sat there for an hour listening to his mumbling about the blood on his hands and how he heard the screams of his victims whenever he closed his eyes. I held my self together in his cell, but as I walked out into the hall I slid down the wall crying. He had never been my favourite person, but now. he was destroyed inside.  
  
Fujin and Rajin weren't imprisoned. They spent their time fishing in Balamb, trying to forget everything that happened. A difficult task with the worlds press knocking at your door. They did attend the ball though; I think they wanted to plead Seifers case to Laguna.  
  
Selphie and Irvine got together following a heated argument in the quad followed by an even hotter kiss, they always knew how to do it in style. And Zell spent most of his time following the library girl who we eventually discovered was called Lana. I think she was more interested in newly found fame than his hotdog rambling.  
  
I myself just carried on everyday life as a reinstated teacher, I loved my job truly I did but there was always something missing.  
  
Finally the happy couple, Squall and Rinoa. What can I say about them? I wanted to hate her I truly did, but I failed miserably. She was just too nice to dislike. It was obvious they were in love; you could tell by the way they held hands under the table at lunch, or gazed into each other's eyes when they thought no one else would notice.  
  
Every time I saw them together another crack was added to my broken heart. But I couldn't avoid them and there couple Dom. I still loved Squall with all my heart and seeing him nearly killed me. It wasn't helped by him treating me like a Marlboro. If he saw me in the hall he would turn and walk the other way and he always addressed me as 'Instructor'. I think he knew how I felt and thought that I would burst into passionate tears if we were ever to become friends or even be more than civil to each other. But he didn't know, no one did except of course matron. I never gave them the slightest indication of my feelings, I hated slowing my weaknesses. People take advantages of you if they know your weaknesses.  
  
Anyway back to the night of the ball. The hype was insane, it was all everyone talked about night and day. The preparations around Balamb were huge. Shipments of decorations, food, supplies arrived every hour for a whole day. And several of the garden staff had to go the infirmary to rest. Selphie, Lana and Rinoa dragged me out to Galbania to buy a dress. I hadn't thought about buying a new one and was just going to go in my SeeD uniform, apparently no one else was. So we ended up in the most expensive boutique we could find using and abusing General Caraway's credit card. Selphie ended up with a long yellow dress with a very high split up the leg and a pair of towering heels. She looked beautiful and Irvines breath was later taken away by it. Lanas dress was a shimmering silver, knee length and flowing. It was strapless and she wore her hair up to show off her long neck. Rinoas gown was pink and floor skimming; she was as always, striking. My dress..well It wasn't one I'd have chosen for myself, I didn't have a choice in the matter it was picked for me. It was silk, black and came down to the floor. I was so embarrassed to leave the changing room because there was a long split from my navel to my neck. It didn't show anything of course, just a long strip of skin.  
  
On the night of the ball I put on my flashy dress and reluctantly left my quarters. Everyone was already in the grand hall when I arrived. The waltz was playing and all the radiant couples were dancing on the huge dance floor Cid had installed two days ago.  
  
Squall and Rinoa were of course dancing, holding each other close, and looking perfect.  
  
I wanted to leave, wondering why I'd even bothered to come, I hated these things and seeing them dancing made me want to cry. I left the dark but glittery room and headed to the starlit balcony. I couldn't help it tears rolled down my cheeks, I cried for everything. Seifer, the souls he had destroyed, the hard ship we were going through, for the lonlieness I felt, and mostly for my broken heart. I raised my head to stare at the sky unable to cry any more tears. I saw a shooting star and turned as I herd footsteps approaching behind me.  
  
It was Squall of course. Who else could it be? He had been the only one to notice my disappearance. I gasped in shock.  
  
" Quistis?" He said gently, forgetting the usual 'Instructor'.  
  
"Um. I thought you'd be enjoying yourself in there?!" Was the meek answer I came up with.  
  
"I, uh, we need to talk" He walked over to my side and stared at the sky with me.  
  
"I.well. Why do you avoid me?" I could answer I was so shocked. I thought he had been avoiding me!  
  
I just stared at him in shock.  
  
"Why do we never talk any more? I mean, you look at me with hate and crawl back into your shell" I cracked and the tears started to flow again.  
  
" Look Squall, I thought you were avoiding me. You spend all your time with Rinoa. You've chosen that door and walked through it! Don't you realise how hard it is for me to see you two together! I still. I still love you Squall!"  
  
It was his turn to look shocked, but instead of answering me he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the kiss I had been longing for, for so long. It lasted a lifetime and could have gone on forever but we were disturbed by the sound of crying behind us. He pulled away and turned to see Rinoa Hunched up in a ball. She was screaming so upset by the sight she witnessed. Squall quickly started to walk towards her but she turned and ran. Before running after her he faced me and said,  
  
"That was a mistake. I had already chosen the right door"  
  
At that point I knew I couldn't stay in Balamb garden any longer, it wouldn't be right.  
  
I left the next morning, without saying goodbye to anyone.  
  
End  
  
This took me sooooo long to write so if you've managed to get through it I would love reviews!!PLEASE!!!!! Tell me if I should write ne more! Flamer's welcome (grrr). Oh I got inspiration for this from Scary grandmother. That's an amazing story! 


	2. FH and old friends

"We are formed in important ways by the love we feel in our hearts" Ardath H. Rodale  
  
Leaving Garden was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. It had been my home for nearly all my life, all my friends were there, and being a SeeD was all I knew how to do! I decided to go to the only other place I had been able to call home. The orphanage. I knew it would be empty, Edea was living in Garden with Cid and it was too remote for squatters.  
  
I left the Garden alone as the sun rose. No one knew I was leaving, they were all resting peacefully in their beds, having only just finished partying a couple of hours ago. I sat in the taxi, headed for Balamb, my small suitcase next to me. I turned to look at Garden one last time, convincing myself that I must never set foot there again. It looked so peaceful in the early morning sun, so tranquil and serene.  
  
When I arrived in Balamb I travelled by train to Dollet. That place brought back so many memories. It had been freed from the Galbanian army by then by underground resistance groups, it was prospering and I considered staying there. Until I took a walk to the beach.  
  
On the shore the memories of Squall on his SeeD exam mission came flooding back. I saved him from that machine. I was so scared, adrenaline pumping through my veins at the though of loosing him. I took aim and fired as he took that final leap, I held my breath until I saw him stand up and look back.  
  
I walked slowly along the beach remembering the events of the night before. I walked out into the sea up to my ankles, fighting the urge to just swim out and drown, end it all. The water rippled at my ankles as my tears landed in the ocean.  
  
The small hotel I checked into for the night was dark and dingy but thank Hyne, it had a bar! I crawled up to bed at about half past two, barely able to stand.  
  
The next morning I rolled out of the small hard bed. I could have yanked my head off, my hangover was agony! I dressed slowly and made my way to the pier, to hire a boat to take me to the Centra continent.  
  
"Can I help you little lady?" A gruff voice said form behind me.  
  
"Yes I need to buy a speed boat", an item easily afforded with the Gil I had saved form years of missions.  
  
"That'll set you back a bit, u sure a pretty thing like you can afford it?", I scowled and my hand tightened over my 'Save the Queen', I hate being patronised.  
  
"Can you sell me one or not?" I asked snidely, already impatient of the man. I didn't really want t spend that much money but I had no choice, unless I wanted to steal the Ragnarok from the ship port in Esthar..! Now that was an idea!  
  
I could pilot the Ragnarok just as well as Selphie, but I was impossible to get working with out the keys. But it could be hot wired just like a car! Unfortunately the only person I knew that could hotwire a car was slowly loosing his mind in a prison in Esthar. I contemplated the reality of my idea. Getting him from prison would save his life, and provide me with some company. Maybe, just maybe it was possible? After all I was a first class SeeD, who had saved the world from time compression. It shouldn't be too difficult.  
  
"Forget it," I said to the boatman, who was openly staring at my body.  
  
" You sure? We could make some kind of a deal", he jeered at me, winking grotesquely. I pulled out my whip and cracked it loudly on the decking, his stare switched from me to the whip. I felt his fear at the power in my hands.  
  
"I really don't think so", I drawled slowly and walked away, leaving him in shock. I could feel his eyes following me down the pier making sure that I was truly gone.  
  
There was no point in staying in Dollet another night, so I returned to my horrid little hotel and packed my tiny suitcase and boarded yet another train, this one headed for Fisherman's Horizon. I was in nearly empty carriage only myself and a couple near the door. Watching them my loneliness was over whelming, the carriage slowly darkened as the sunset. Thankful for the darkness and inability to see the blissful pair I leant against the windowpane and watched the world go by.  
  
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I heard was a voice over the intercom telling me that we had arrived in Fisherman's Horizon. As I got off the train an extremely tall black man handed me my luggage. Why had this man I didn't know had my suitcase?  
  
"Hello Instructor. It's been a long time, ya know. I was gonna steal it, but then I realised it was you, ya know."  
  
"Times are tough, hey Rajin" I said finally recognising the face. "I didn't recognise you! Weren't you in Balamb?"  
  
"We were, but we just needed to be somewhere quiet, hassle free, ya know? But times are tough and I haven't been able to get a job, ya know and Fujin is only working at the bar"  
  
"We? Are you here with Fujin?" As if on que, the grey haired woman appeared by his side.  
  
"QUISTIS! WELL?" She answered in her usual way.  
  
"Yes, thank you Fujin. Rajin explained to me why you were here".  
  
Fujin looked up wit obvious pain in her eyes, "SIEFER, WELL?"  
  
"Oh god you don't know?" I hated being the one to have to tell her how he was, and how could she not know? But she deserved to know the truth.  
  
"I.um..Well, lets go somewhere quieter and talk. I don't think your going to like this" She looked at me understandingly and I followed her and Rajin out of the station. We ended up in the bar where Fujin worked in a corner booth. They both sat and waited for me to begin.  
  
"Where to start" I said out loud. "Well I hate to break this to you but Seifer's not doing well. He is deteriorating mentally and physically. He blames himself for what happened, he says that he hears the screams of his victims". I heard Fujin whimper softly and a tear fall down her cheek, Rajin had gone pale; he seemed unable to find the right words.  
  
Clearing her throat she said quietly, " And why have you left garden?" A question I didn't want to answer.  
  
"Personal reasons, I don't want to go into it" They both nodded, seeming to understand. " At the moment I don't know what to do with myself. I was thinking of going to the old orphanage" There was no harm in letting them know.  
  
"So why are you in FH? Ya know?"  
  
I didn't know whether to tell them what I was doing or not. I looked around the shabby bar and looked again at their torn, old clothes and decided to give them the choice.  
  
"I'm going to Esthar to free Seifer and steal the Ragnarok". They both stared at me in shock, not believing that the so-called 'perfect' instructor would even consider such a thing.  
  
"Are you coming then?"  
  
Should I write more??? Tell me in a fun filled review, PLEASE!!!! 


	3. Jailbreak

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. The heart withers if it does not answer another heart" Pearl Buck  
  
"Well? Are you coming or not?" I asked them both, my patience was stretching, I hated waiting.  
  
"SERIOUS?" Fujin spoke for the first time in what seemed an age.  
  
"Of course. But if you do decide to come you know it will be difficult. Esthar is quite a secure city, and Laguna's in charge". Rajin was still staring at me his mouth opening and closing like a guppy. Suddenly his expression change, he was now steely determined.  
  
"I'm coming! We have to save Seifer, he's part of the posse, ya know!" I was just waiting on Fujin now. I glanced at her; she looked so scared and lost for just a second, then she look on Rajins expression.  
  
"AGGREED" Her voice quietened. "We have to save Seifer. But it'll be nearly impossible, Esthar is huge! Do you even know the exact location of the Ragnarok?"  
  
"Look, Fujin we have to try. I know where the prison is and even what floor he's on. And the Ragnarok is in the military base just outside the Sorceresses Memorial. But we have to leave early in the morning, it's a long walk from here"  
  
"There is another way, ya know" Rajin said secretively. "Once a week a train carrying military supplies travels from Esthar to Galbania. Obviously it has to travel back, so.. Maybe we could sneak on the train, ya know?" I was surprised at Rajins cunning, I was an excellent idea!  
  
"It'll be hard, there will be hundreds of soldiers if it's carrying military equipment. But I suppose for three fully trained SeeDs it won't be too tricky" I had always know that Rajin and Fujin had passed the SeeD exam at Trabia garden, though they seemed mildly surprised to hear that I knew. "Have you any idea when it'll pass here?"  
  
"Some time tomorrow," Fujin said quietly. "They always stop in the bar, get drunk and start fights. It's not nice" She seemed so solitary and timid, not the Fujin of the discipline committee. "They stop here at about noon and leave a couple of hours later, so we'll have quite a lot of time to get on the train but we'll have to do it when the station is pretty empty"  
  
"Your right. We'll just have to hide out at the platform until it looks fairly empty" I stood "I'll meet you here tomorrow morning at eleven thirty sharp. Go home now, pack light. And don't forget your weapons!" I left them sitting quietly and went to the hotel I had stayed at with Zell and Squall when we passed through here on our way to Esthar. The room was exactly the same as it was then. I slept in the bed Squall had slept in. I barely slept and spent all night thinking about the plan that we would have to put into action tomorrow. My mind slowly turned to the memories of my final mission, cold tears wet my pillow.  
  
The next morning I rose early and walked around FH gathering supplies and information about the Esthar soldier's usual routine. I ate breakfast in a small café over looking the ocean, trying to piece my plan together. FH had managed to rebuild itself after the Galbanian attack, but the people were poor and many were leaving to get jobs in the bigger cities.  
  
I left the café and walked slowly back to the hotel. I grabbed a few essentials and left the rest at the reception, promising to return soon to collect it, so she wouldn't sell it. I arrived at Fujins small bar early and sat to wait for the other two to arrive. I didn't have to wait long, they were as eager as I was to get this how on the road. Neither of them had their own guardian forces and as I had three, I lent Fujin Siren and Rajin had Ifrit, I kept Shiva for myself.  
  
Weapons ready we made our way to the station. When we arrived the train wasn't there yet and the platform was very quiet. We slipped in unnoticed and hid in a derelict ticket booth.  
  
"Where are they? They were supposed to me here ten minutes ago, ya know!" Rajin was write, it was already past noon and the train was still nowhere to be seen. I couldn't leave in case I got spotted, so I had to sit tight. Five minutes later I breathed a sigh of relief as the train eventually pulled up to the platform. I watched about two dozen Esthar soldiers exit the train and walk out of the station, laughing about how drunk they were going to get, and how many women the would have. We waited till they had all left and emerged from our hiding place. Rajin picked the lock on the carriage door whilst Fujin and I kept a look out. He eventually pried the door open and we walked into the pitch-black carriage.  
  
"Rajin, summon Ifrit. He'll give us some light" I didn't want to venture into the unknown, even if there was a risk of being spotted.  
  
The flames emitting from the GFs body lit the carriage. It was empty except for several boxes near the end.  
  
"HIDE THERE?" Fujin had reverted to her usual monosyllables out of nerves, I presumed.  
  
"Um, we won't be well covered but it'll be dark" I said to the pair. We sat in silence hidden by the boxes for nearly two hours until the drunk, cavorting soldiers eventually made their way back. None entered our carriage and the train slowly set off.  
  
Hours later we arrived in Esthar. The door to our carriage opened shining a strip of light into the darkness.  
  
"Stay quiet," I said to Fujin and Rajin. I walked silently towards the guard and cast a sleep spell at him, he went straight down. Unfortunately two more soldiers entered the carriage after him, they didn't notice their sleeping colleague and I was able to send them into a deep sleep too.  
  
"Here" I said to the others. "Put the uniforms on, we will be able to get about Esthar freely in these" We all changed quickly and shoved the still sleeping guards under the boxes.  
  
We walked off the train into the big city of Esthar. I lead Fujin and Rajin through the crowded streets towards the shopping region, I wanted some of the advanced potions only stocked in Esthar. I filled my backpack and we headed towards the prison. As we neared it the streets became more unoccupied and more menacing. We walked freely past the checkpoint and into the main entrance of the prison. We entered the stair well and started the long climb up to the top floor where Seifer was being kept. The halls were very quiet and I saw no guards.  
  
"This is to easy. It's almost as if their letting us free him" I said to Fujin who was closest to me.  
  
"ODD!" She whispered back loudly. We walked past rows of cells, checking in the small barred window for Seifer. All the cells were lit my bright overhead lights, with only a small bed furnishing the sparse rooms.  
  
"Found him!!!" Rajin practically shouted from up ahead. Fujin and I ran towards him and I looked through the small window at the blonde man. He was lying on the bed asleep, his face had a slight grey tinge and he was thinner than when I had last seen him. His sleep was fitful and he was mumbling to himself fraying his arms about.  
  
"Shiva, freeze the door lock" I said subconsciously to my GF. The lock froze and I was able to kick in the lock. Seifer woke at the loud sound and blinked into the light.  
  
"Seifer?" Fujin said quietly from behind me. "Come on we're getting out of here" He just stared at her not seeming to recognise his best friend.  
  
Recognition dawned on his face and he leapt from the bed. He jumped up and embraced Rajin and Fujin and a passionate hug. He then turned to me with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Thank you" He said quietly, wrapping his arms around me.  
  
"Come on we need to hurry" I said, urgent to leave the danger of the prison.  
  
We ran out of the cell and through the halls towards the stairs we had come up on. The halls were still suspiciously empty. But as we emerged from the stairwell we were greeted he hundreds of Esthar guards. Standing at the front of them in his normal attire was Laguna.  
  
"Quistis. I knew you'd come for him" He had a great sadness in his voice. "Squall told me what happened and I guessed what you do"  
  
"And now?" Seifer asked defiantly.  
  
"You are free" Laguna said, shocking us all. He turned to face me, tears welling up.  
  
"But I have some terrible news" He looked around. " I can't tell you here, follow me" We let Laguna lead us out of the prison. I was so fearful of what it was; I knew it was something awful; the president wasn't shook up easily. I followed him my heart heavy, already mourning.  
  
Wanna know what the bad news is??? You'll have to read the next chapter!! But PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Tell me if you want a Quifer or a Quall. Thank you!! 


	4. return

Okay on to the story.and no I'm not sure if it will be a Quall or a Quifer. Something dramatic will happen this chapter but I'm not sure myself..so it'll just happen as I write.  
  
We followed Laguna through the streets of Esthar, his face was grim and conversation was out of the question. It was twilight and the buildings were lighting up the street lamps were still off though casting dark shadows over the streets. Besides the President and his entourage there was a large military presence with us. For security I guessed. And even though everyone knew the story of her defeat, the threat of a sorceress wasn't easily forgotten. Fujin, Rajin and Seifer followed me a couple of footsteps behind. They understood the situation no more than I did and they were also silent.  
  
We eventually reached the presidential palace. I had forgotten the grandeur of it and had to stop myself for gasping at the beauty of it.  
  
"Wait here" Laguna said to Rajin, Fujin and Siefer. He indicated me to follow him into his office behind him.  
  
Last time I was in Esthar we had never entered Laguna's office. It was as impressive as the rest of the building. He sat behind the desk and I sat in a large leather chair opposite him, before being asked.  
  
"Quistis, I have no idea why you left garden, apparently neither does anyone else, except yourself. But that is not why you're here" He began. " But I have some terrible news, this morning there was a death in Garden. I'm sorry but Selphie has died"  
  
I couldn't believe it; I expected sobs but for some reason my eyes stayed dry. I was unable to speak, almost as if my throat had closed up.  
  
"How? How did it happen?" I managed to choke out.  
  
"Apparently she fought a T-Rexaur on the Island closest to hell, with out any GFs junctioned" A shadow of doubt flashed over his face, it was gone in an instant and I wondered if I had even seen it. "That's all Rinoa was able to tell us. They were training, trying to get her levels up before the final SeeD exam, she's very shook up"  
  
My eyes closed, the reality of the moment sinking in. How could this happen? How could Selphie die? She was so.she was too special to be gone. She had died helping someone out of the generosity of her heart, I was not surprised about the generosity of her heart.but.  
  
"Why would she not have a GF junctioned? Selphie was one of the highest- ranking SeeDs, in all the Gardens! She defeated a sorceress, she.how? But .how?" My body shook in silent sobs, I had never cried in front of other people but I just couldn't hold my tears back. Laguna moved from behind his desk, he pulled my out of my chair into his arms. I saw tears on his cheeks just before I dissolved into sobs on his shoulder.  
  
We stood like that for what seemed like an age. I cried more tears than I thought possible. A thousand questions ran through my mind, and I felt incredibly guilty. I felt so selfish for leaving Balamb, for not being there to save her, stop her.. I eventually rose for his arms to air my questions.  
  
"When's the funeral? I have to get back" I couldn't miss that; I had to say goodbye to a cherished friend properly.  
  
"Yes, yes, I understand. You can take the Ragnarok, its yours." I couldn't believe his generosity.  
  
"Thank you Laguna, thank you so much, goodbye" Somehow I stopped sobbing and walked out his office, to hundreds of questioning faces, who had apparently all been waiting for me to return. At the head of the crowd was Seifer. I managed to hold my head high but I felt a few drops fall from my eyes to the floor. Seifer walked over to me and in a moment of understanding placed his arm protectively over my shoulder and I let it settle there.  
  
Back on board the Ragnarok, I sat in the pilot seat Seifer to the side of my.  
  
"What happened then?" I knew the question would come eventually; I'd have to explain the tear streaks and why we were heading for Balamb.  
  
"Selphie died. I don't know whether you care or not, but I do. If you don't want to go to the funeral then I can drop you off in Deling with Fujin and Rajin." It was harsh but I hadn't the patience to deal with his complaints.  
  
"No I want to go, I need to make some apologies." I understood his reasons for wanting to say sorry to all the people he had hurt but didn't say anymore and Seifer returned to staring out of the window.  
  
We arrived at Balamb Garden a few hours later, a much quicker time than it had been by train, more comfortable too! I parked the Ragnarok just outside Garden. I could see the stares of students, awed by the sight of such a ship. Seifer was nervously tapping his finger on the arm of his chair. He seemed to be building up his courage to face all these people who knew his past.  
  
"Are you ready?" I asked him, not sure if I was myself. He stood, face cold with grim determination. We walked out of the ship, by now a large crowd had gathered by the Ragnarok. As I walked through the exit the crowd gasped, I guess they thought had gone forever. A few of the Trepies started to make towards me. They all stopped and stared as Seifer appeared behind me. We walked through the large, very silent crowd slowly, into the Garden.  
  
There were very few students mingling around, most were still by the Ragnarok. I looked back to Seifer, who was staring around at his old home.  
  
"We'd best go to the office tell Squall we're here. I presume we'll be able to stay here until the funeral" He simply nodded in answer, and started to walk ahead of my.  
  
"Seifer, wait! If you walk in there alone they'll kill you. I know you don't want to hear that, but its true. People don't believe what really happened." He scowled at the truth in my words. "Just stay by me okay?" He said nothing, and the scowl remained, he simply walked back to stand by my side.  
  
As we made our way to the office the conversations of students silenced and they turned to stare at us, the ex-teacher and the convict. We went straight to the office; I knew that was where Squall would be. Before I opened the door I looked over at Seifer who was nervously chewing his nails.  
  
"Ready?" I asked, and before waiting for an answer I opened the door to reveal the very pale faces of Squall and Zell.  
  
They glared at the unexpected sight of us for just a second.  
  
"Quistis" Squall was the first to speak, "What's he doing here?"  
  
Odd place to leave it I know, snoggin and more squishy stuff will happen next chapter promise. But do you want a Quall or a Quifer?? Tell me in a REVIEW!!!!! XXX 


	5. Midnight

"Love is not love until love is vulnerable" Theodore Roethke  
  
"What is he doing here?" Squall asked me, his eyes still trained on Seifers, he obviously hadn't forgiven him for the things he'd done under Ultamecias control. He looked like he had lost weight in the few days I had been away and there were dark circles under his red eyes.  
  
"Squall", I said moving slowly towards his desk, quietly hoping to calm his anger. "He's here to apologize. To apologize for everything and say a proper goodbye to Selphie" As I said her name I felt the sharp prick of tears in the corners of my eyes but I managed to control them before they ran down my cheeks. This was not the time for tears.  
  
"I presume you helped him escape?" His asked, turning to me and rising from his chair.  
  
" Yes, I did" I answered him with as much defiance in my voice as I could manage. "He was dying in there, and I believe his story, I'm sure you would too if you listened to what he had to say" I knew he wouldn't like my answer but I knew he opinion of me couldn't get any lower.  
  
Squall moved from behind the desk and I thought for a second he was coming for me but he made towards Seifer, his hand on the Lionheart at his waist. In the few seconds it had taken Squall to cross the room Seifer had instinctively reached for his Hyperion but it was still locked up in the Esthar prison and his hand was left grasping for thin air. Instead of drawing his gunblade, Squalls free hand reached up and grabbed Seifers neck.  
  
"Bullshit! ", he spat into Seifers face. "It's a load of bullshit! I couldn't give less of a damn about how or why the others believe you, but I don't! And as soon as the funeral is over I want you gone or you will go straight back to that hell hole prison you should have stayed in!" Seifer said nothing but turned his head to me and gave me a look of forced constraint, as if it was killing him to have to listen to Squalls accusations. But he kept his mouth shut even when Squall had finished his outburst. The brunette commander let go of blond convict, shot me a look of hatred and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.  
  
I released the breath I had been holding all this time but I still held back my ready tears. Zell, who had been standing behind the desk all this time let out a sigh of relief and gave me a wiry smile.  
  
"Nice to see you back Quistis" he said to me and nodded a hesitant greeting to Seifer. "It's late. You both look tired, I'II take you to your rooms"  
  
Even at this late hour there were still students in the corridors and whispers and stares followed us.  
  
"Well, this is your room" Zell said to Seifer as we got the guest quarters. There was a member of the garden faculty standing outside the door with a small Behemoth by his side.  
  
"What the hells this for?!" Seifer said in shock to Zell.  
  
"Sorry man", Zell said in a genuine apology, shrugging his shoulders. "It's for you own safety. There are others you know, it isn't just Squall that doesn't believe you. Some are after blood. Sorry, it's just how it is". Zell really did look sympathetic for a second but it quickly passed and his face was as empty of emotion as it was before. Seifer started towards the entrance of his room but turned back and mouthed 'good night' to me. I couldn't help it and I threw my arms around him, to try to apologize for the terrible day I'd put him through. I think he was a little shocked at my outburst of emotion as he remained still for a second but then I felt his arms reach around my back hesitantly and he returned my hug. I whispered goodnight in his ear and walked back to Zell. I had to stifle a laugh when I saw him trying to quickly erase the shock from his face.  
  
Zell and I walked along the corridor to my quarters, which he told me hadn't been touched. I was surprised at Squalls consideration. I thought he would have removed my remaining belongings as soon as he realized I'd left.  
  
"So how's Irvine holding up?" The question I had wanted to ask finally escaped my lips.  
  
"Not good" Zell replied. He stopped and looked me straight in the eye "they were getting really serious. I think marriage had even been bought up a few times. He didn't speak at all for a while after it happened and he hasn't come out of his room in a long time"  
  
He sighed loudly and went back to staring at the floor.  
  
"There was a sadness that had settled over garden that day" said Zell as we continued walking. "Nothings bright or fun any more. Even the monsters in the training center aren't as active. Its just weird to see the students walk quietly to lessons instead of running like a mob, it's hard to believe how much of an effect her presence was to everyone"  
  
I saw a silent tear roll across his cheek as he continued.  
  
"I keep expecting for her to pop up and shout 'Surprise!!' like it's a big joke. I guess I want it to be. But she is gone and we'll never see that yellow dress again" He said, a small smile forming at the memory of Selphies favorite outfit and how we all used to gently tease her because of its length.  
  
"Yeh, she always used to say that she like that colour and it had nothing to do with the fact that it made Irvine drool!"  
  
We arrived at my room and parted with a simple goodbye, no hugs this time. I knew he wanted to ask about what I had been doing and Seifers involvement in it, but I think he knew I wouldn't answer his questions so he didn't say anything about it.  
  
I opened my door and walked through into the room that had been my home for most of my life. I was my favorite place in the word and I hadn't realized how much I had missed it until I was back. For a few minutes I just sat on my lilac bed and looked around. The room didn't hold many emotional memories for me, just of studying and reading, that kind of thing but it was a quiet place of solitude and I cherished the simple memories of it. I stood up and walked over to the bookshelf, where all the books were arranged in alphabetical order of course. I pulled out my favorite book. The cover was fading because of its age and it was starting to look a little battered with all the folded over pages and the small coffee stain on the bridge of it. I turned it to my favorite chapter, when the girl finally gets the guy she's been dreaming about for years. I fell asleep reading it at my desk.  
  
I awoke in the dead of night, the whole garden was silent. I considered changing and getting into bed rather than falling asleep again at my desk but for some reason I knew I wouldn't sleep. I grabbed my whip and headed for the training center. I hadn't fought a good battle in a few days and I also wanted to go to the secret area I'd visited with Squall the night of his SeeD graduation.  
  
The training center was deadly quiet when I entered; I guess even monsters have to sleep sometime. I got to the secret area without any battles, simply walking past the sleeping monsters. I was tempted to poke a T-rexaur to get a little battle action, but I dismissed the thought and carried on. The secret area was empty when I got there. It usually had at least a couple of students but by this time of night it was deserted. I looked over the balcony onto the sleeping garden. It was so peaceful; it was hard to believe the betrayals, uproars and battles that had happened there. I slowly came to realize how dramatic the past few days had been. Leaving garden, helping a known convict escape jail, the death of a dear friend and finally my unexpected return to Garden. As I stood there I was considerably aware that there was one happy soul missing from her room and she'd never be there again. Selphie had been a wonderful person and friend. She'd always been the one to cheer me up in the bleakest and darkest times. But the circumstances surrounding her death seemed odd to me. Her helping Rinoa wasn't a surprise as she was willing to help any one who asked, but why hadn't she junctioned any GFs? She was the highest rank a SeeD could be and defeating a T-rexaur shouldn't have been too much trouble even without a GF junctioned. And why hadn't Rinoa cast a life spell, she was a sorceress her powers were certainly good enough to cast a very effective life spell. It was just very peculiar.  
  
My thoughts went from Selphie to Seifer. I firmly believed his story and I was sure even Squalls doubts would be cast aside if he would only listen to him. I was full of sympathy for him. I didn't he'd be able to survive in the real world now, with the amount of people who mistrusted him and wanted to see his blood run.  
  
I heard a noise behind me a turned, whip ready in hand. But it was Seifer.  
  
"Expecting someone?" he smirked at how tense I was.  
  
"I couldn't sleep so I figured I'd try my fists against some of the low level monsters but apparently there's no action to be had at all around here at night", he explained his presence to me. "I saw a shadow in here and I thought I'd come and investigate"  
  
"I guess being on a disciplinary committee most of your life puts that kind of suspicion in you hey?" I asked him.  
  
"Nah I think I'm just naturally nosy", he replied with a smile. "So what are you doing out here at this time of night then instructor?"  
  
"Don't call me that", I answered him harshly, more upset than I realized about loosing another thing I loved. "I'm pretty sure I'm not an instructor anymore. I mean, I walked out of my job and home without telling anyone where I was going or why. I presume Squall fired me on the spot when he realized I'd disappeared"  
  
"So why did you leave then?" he asked me looking me squarely in the eyes. I knew the question would come eventually. I still wasn't sure how much I wanted him to know but the whole story of the ball, my confession of love for Squall and our kiss came spilling out to a composed Seifer.  
  
"I thought so," he said almost to him self when I'd finished. "I always thought there was something between you and him but I was never sure who was attracted to who. And now I know" I'd never realized how observant he was, I had presumed his mocking before had been groundless.  
  
"I'm sorry. It always hurts to be rejected" he was showing me a side of him I'd never really thought possible. A caring and sympathetic side that was, well, just ..attractive! It was impossible to deny his good looks but I never realized he had a personality to match. Things certainly were changing!  
  
"I nearly died when Rinoa finished it with me. I was devastated," He continued. His honesty surprised me.  
  
We stood in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes. As we stood there the sun rose beautifully over garden. Rays of red, yellow and orange lighting the secret area.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you" I said breaking the silence. "But I'm tired, I think I'II try to get a few more hours sleep before the funeral" He agreed and we walked out of the training center, the monsters sleep undisturbed by the bright sunrise. We parted at my room. No hugs this time just a long held look and simple good night. As soon as I got into my room I crashed onto the bed and fell asleep with a silly grin on my face.  
  
I promise that the next chapter will have snogs and stuff, so tell me what you think of this in a lovely REVIEW!!! Please!! 


	6. The funeral

Thank you for all your ace reviews! I especially like that very random long one! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, 1st my computer went down, then my stupid history teacher gave me loads of boring homework on the uninteresting Mussolini!  
  
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." Good Will Hunting  
  
The next morning I awoke to bright sunshine pouring in through the windows straight into my eyes. I was glad of the good weather though, it seemed to me that the sun had come out just for Selphie, to remind us of what she was like; happy, bubbly, and lovely.  
  
I walked into my bathroom and instead of jumpimg quickly into the shower as I had always done, I simply sat on the edge of the bathtub, distracted by my thoughts. I had a quick shower and rushed to get changed into my formal SeeD uniform. Selphie, one of my dearest friends, would be put in the earth today. Memories of her ran through my mind and my tears dropped into the bath tub. When I was younger I had put friendship to the back of my mind as I pursued my training to become a SeeD, as an adult I hadn't allowed myself to become close to anyone for fear of being hurt or betrayed. But Selphie had broken down my stubborn walls by always being there for me and now I felt almost alone again. When I thought of those remaining in my life the image of Seifers face immediately entered my mind and I couldn't help but smile through my tears at the memory of his kindness.  
  
I pulled myself together and dragged my weary body into the shower, I emerged soothed and quickly dressed in my formal SeeD uniform. I had a few hours until the funeral started so I wondered around a very quiet Garden and eventually ended up at the quad, where preparations for another garden festival were half finished but abandoned now with the loss of the head of the committee. I made my way though the banners and paper stremers, by the looks of things the theme this time was a masquerade ball, where everyone's face was covered by the masks they had made themselves. I was sure that the festival wouldn't go ahead without Selphie. It was a shame; everyone's efforts would go to waste.  
  
I remembered what Zell told me last night about Irvine, about how badly he had taken it. I knew that I had to speak with him. He had truly loved Selphie, more than anyone had thought possible from the womanizer. But you could see the love in the eyes every time he looked at her and whenever her name was mentioned his lips would form a faint smile as if he was more proud of her than anything else in the world. I left the quad, which should have been full of joy, but was now a shrine to Selphie, a place of mourning and crepe paper.  
  
He answered the door almost as soon as I had knocked on it. Irvine's eyes were red with black hollows under them. He was skinnier and his cheeks were gaunt. I had no words. Instead I took him in my arms and he cried on my shoulder for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
"Oh, Irvine" I wept with him. "I don't know what to say. I want to say sorry, but I expect you've heard that so many times in the past few days that it's lost all meaning. If it helps at all I loved her too. She was probably my best friend."  
  
"I don't know what to do Quistis," he said. His voice was quiet and weak as if he had made it raw from shouting. "I just sit here all day and wish for death so I don't have to be alone anymore."  
  
"I have no family," he continued. "I'm all alone in the world. No family at all, and now the one true love of my life has gone. Forever. I may as well be dead too"  
  
It was heartbreaking to see him in that state. He had given up on life. Forgotten the joys were able to feel in life, he only felt the pain and no one could console him. I didn't even try, we just sat in silence, both praying to hear Selphies voice again. But the room remained still. Eventually I spoke, the silence was over whelming and I thought I might die myself if I sat there any longer in that quiet room.  
  
"It's starting soon", I meant the funeral of course. "I'II go and let you get changed". I think he was pleased to be alone again. I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I escaped the oppression of Irvine's room.  
  
I went back to the quad which was empty but for a few wondering students. I looked over the railing to the moving ground. The garden was moving towards the old orphanage for Selphies burial. I guess it was Squalls idea but if I were in the position to make that decision the Garden would be traveling in exactly the same direction. I had underestimated the time it would take to get there. As we'd only just passed over FH I guessed it would take at least another three hours to get to the Centra continent. I had nothing to do and the training center was beckoning but when I returned to my room to fetch my whip I lay down for what should have only been a few seconds but I ended up falling into a deep sleep to make up for the lack of it last night.  
  
I was dreaming, I must have been. Selphie was sitting on the end of my bed her back to me, her head was hung low. But her dress was ripped and torn she had chunks of hair missing and long deep scratch marks on her back and shoulders.  
  
"Quistis" she said in a voice that echoed around my room. "Quistis save me" she whispered. I tried to speak but for some reason the words were muffled and inaudible. When I looked down I saw that my clothes were in the same ruined tatters as Selphies and there were red raw scratch marks down my arms. I stared at my hands. They were bound together but not by an ordinary rope or tape, my wrists were held together by a string of feathers but no matter how hard I pulled the feathers would not come apart and my wrists were still bound together.  
  
Selphie slowly rose from the bed and turned. I was able to see the full extent of her injuries. Her body was black and blue and her knee was turned at an unnatural angle and her shoulder was hanging from its socket. The long scratches covered her body, she had a split lip and dried blood surrounded her mouth. It was a horrifying sight but I didn't look away or shudder under her frightening glaze. All I felt was sympathy, for somehow I knew her death had been a terrible, terrifying one.  
  
"Quistis, forgive her", she said. "Forgive her. It was for love" I had no idea what she meant but again my words were inaudible. I realized my mouth was bound with tape. I was bound and gagged.  
  
"Only two emotions. Love and hatred" she continued to puzzle me. "Forgive her. It was for love," she repeated. Then her broken body rose of the floor. In a burst of light she flung out her arms. She looked down on me and smiled, I felt tears on my cheeks. Suddenly she exploded into a burst of feathers. Hundreds and hundreds of white feathers filled the room. I watched them for a few seconds then watched an individual one float slowly onto my bed, the first one to hit anything solid. As it touched the bed cover I woke.  
  
My body jolted up and I felt my self-gasping for air. I sat for a few moment getting my breath and senses back, then I broke into tears my body shuddered and shook with every violent sob. I cried for the state Selphie had been in, for the fear I now felt about being bound and I cried because I didn't understand. I couldn't understand what she meant, what she wanted me to know or do. It was like I was betraying her last wishes. After a few minutes I managed to compose myself. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, sorted and made myself look presentable. When I returned to my bedroom, I looked out of the window just in time to see Garden stop and ground itself near the orphanage.  
  
I walked from my room unsteadily, still shaking slightly from the memory of the dream. Up ahead of me in the corridor was Zell, standing waiting for me, I guessed.  
  
"Quistis!" He shouted when he saw me. "Hey, Quistis. Are you okay? You look really pale!" I nodded in reply; it was all I could manage.  
  
"Uh, are you sure?" He checked. I nodded again. "Okay then, we'd better go, it'll start soon"  
  
We made our way slowly out of the Garden towards the large gathering of SeeDs and students, all dressed in formal uniform. When we neared the crowd parted slightly, as they recognized our authority. We had reserved seats around the coffin and a second after I'd sat in mine, I felt a pair of strong hands squeeze my shoulders gently. I looked up to see Seifer smiling kindly down at me and I couldn't help returning his smile despite the situation and all the staring faces. The sky was dark completely covered by clouds, no light got through. It looked lie a storm was coming, I prayed the rain would hold out until it was finished.  
  
"Friends, students, SeeDs and family" Headmaster Cid began looking round. "We are here today not to mourn the loss of a wonderful person but to celebrate the life we were all blessed to have been part of"  
  
The closed coffin sat a few feet in front of me, black, shining, with yellow ribbons attached to the coffin. The same colour as her infamous dress. Across from the coffin sat Squall, by his side sat Rinoa. He knew I was looking in his direction but refused to meet my glaze and concentrated hard on Cid, his hand tightened around Rinoas and his knuckles paled to white. I gave up on Squall; it was going to take a long time for him to forgive me. My glance flickered to Rinoa. I was slightly taken aback when she stared straight at me, I tried to look away but her glaze was weirdly hypnotic. I swear I saw her lips curve into a malevolent smile. I looked down to her hand where I thought I'd seen a flash of white and in her free hand I saw her twirling a single white feather, exactly like the kind in my dream. I looked back up to her face and her vile smile had been replaced with an icy glaze. I felt my hands start to shake slightly and I knew that I had gone pale.  
  
Irvine had risen slowly to the podium to address all the people gathered.  
  
" As I'm sure many of you have now guessed, I loved Selphie." He said. "And it's not really hard to guess why. She was the happiest person I had ever met. She kept a lively spirit even in the darkest times; I think I only managed to get through Ultamecias time compression knowing she was on the other side. Its not really a surprise that she died helping a friend, doing what she loved to do, helping people"  
  
At this point all eyes turned to Rinoa, who showed no emotion or embarrassment at being stared at by so many eyes. She just continued to stare at the podium.  
  
"I don't think I can say anything else about her that you don't already know, So I'II stop here and leave you with your own individual memories of such an amazing and unique person. I only pray that you can find someone who brings as much joy to you heart as she did to mine" As he walked from the podium I could see the tears streaming down his cheeks, but he seemed happy at being able to finally say goodbye in such a beautiful way. I knew that Selphie would always have a large part of Irvine's heart but he would let go and go one with his life whilst always cherishing the memory of her.  
  
The small party slowly broke up after the coffin was lowered and as the party started to wonder back to Garden the rain started to pour down. People started to run and just as I was about to join the runners a hand grabbed my elbow and pulled me back roughly.  
  
"Well, you came back then?" said Rinoa, obviously disgusted by my return. "I wasn't sure if you'd return. And with him!" she said with revulsion practically spitting in Seifers direction, who was looking out at us front under the cover of the garden entrance.  
  
"He was never fit to be a sorceresses knight. He failed her at every turn" this wasn't the mild Rinoa I had seen only a week ago, she had changed.  
  
"Rinoa, I'm sorry" I didn't know what else to say. "I heard you were with Selphie when she died, it must have been terrible for you. I'm sorry you had to see something like that. I'm surprised you weren't hurt too, I guess it must be those sorceresses powers?" I was still finding it very hard to believe that Selphie would die like that; there was something unusual about the whole situation. Rinoa had been the only witness and her version of the whole thing had been accepted without question. I didn't know if I was so trusting of this new vicious side of her.  
  
She flung me a look of hatred at my last comment and let go of my elbow. I almost ran away from her, but Rinoa just stood there in the rain, as her clothes and hair got soaked.  
  
Seifer was still waiting for me and he put his arm over my shoulder protectively and I let my hand steal around his waist in return. He didn't ask me what had just happened, I think he'd guessed most of it but he was considerate enough not to ask for the details.  
  
"You're soaked through" he said to me. "Come on or you'll freeze to death" I was starting to really care for this side of Seifer. We walked slowly to my room still held close together.  
  
"Here you are," he said as we got to my room. But neither of us let go, we just continued to hold each other. He moved and turned to face me, his hand rose and gently touched my cheek. I knew what this meant and even though my head was telling me not to I leaned into his palm and kissed it gently. He leaned into me searching my face for permission and my small smile told him everything. Our lips brushed for a delicate second and then he kissed me so lovingly, so tenderly I felt my knees go weak and my heart almost stopped beating. The world around me stopped for those few seconds in the deepest most passionate kiss I had ever had. After a lifetime had passed, he pulled away, but a lifetime didn't seem long enough to me, I longed to feel his lips on mine again, forever maybe.  
  
"Quistis.I.I don't know what to say," he said. "But, I think I'm falling in love with you" He whispered into my ear.  
  
"I think I'm falling in love with you too" was the only thing I could or wanted to say.  
  
I took his hand and led him to my room. Where were made love more tenderly, gently and lovingly than I'd ever thought possible. Two souls joined together for what I knew would last for eternity and beyond.  
  
Ahhh.didn't I promise songs and stuff!? Sorry Quall people! I love them too and one day in the not to distant future I will write one, I promise! 


	7. New beginnings

"Lying here with you I still can't believe its true; I never thought that I would ever find a love that lasts forever" Celine Dion  
  
I awoke the next morning lying in my beautiful lovers strong arms. He remained sleeping peacefully as I rose for the bed and pulled a dressing gown over my bare shoulders.  
  
Overnight the garden had moved to the icy plains of the North and as I sat the window I could see horned mesmerizes running across the snow.  
  
I didn't notice when Siefer awoke but I turned toward the bed when I felt his eyes upon me. He pulled himself up from the covers and walked over to me. The only thing cover his perfect body was a small pair of boxer shorts, thought I was not particularly surprised by his immodesty.  
  
"Hey you", he said softly, leaning down to kiss my neck.  
  
"Hey" I replied, kissing his lips.  
  
His face broke into a grin as he picked me up and carried me back to the bed, where we repeated the exercises of last night with more energy and vigor but with just as much love and passion.  
  
Afterwards we just lay together in silence trying to get our breath back.  
  
"Well", he said seriously turning towards me. "What now?"  
  
I knew exactly what he meant. Very few people would approve of Seifer and being together. Squall would be disgusted, Rinoa probably the same. Zell would just be shocked and Irvine was too upset too care.  
  
"I think we should keep it too our selves for awhile" I said quietly to him. His relief showed all over his face.  
  
Suddenly I was filled with energy and I couldn't help myself from jumping out of bed and into the shower.  
  
"Where are you going?" Seifer shouted after me.  
  
"Let's go to the training center" I shouted back from the shower. As much as I would have loved to spend the day in bed with him I was running desperately low on magic. I wanted to stock up from the new advanced monsters Squall had brought into the training center. I also knew that Seifer had no magic after being locked up for so long.  
  
I felt there was a massively powerful danger at Garden and I wanted to fully prepare for when I met it. And I knew I eventually would. Suddenly the shower door opened and a naked Seifer walked in to join me under the water. When we emerged from the shower we quickly dried and dressed, I grabbed my whip and we headed out the door.  
  
We walked along the corridor holding hands and giggling like the love struck teenagers were. I had never really let myself feel like that, like a teenager. I hadn't really had never really had a chance to be a child and being a SeeD at 15 forced me to grown up quickly. But now with Seifer by my side I felt I really could be young and carefree.  
  
We reached the training center followed by silent stares from students and faculty and as we walked through the entrance I could hear the sounds of battles amongst training students. As we turned the corner I saw a brunette with her back to us easily tackling a T-rexaur. Then the figure turned around as we approached and the face that smiled at us was Rinoas.  
  
"Come and join me" she shouted over to us. I couldn't believe it! Her magic and physical skills were amazing and her levels were incredibly high! She was having no problem at all dealing with this T-rexaur, so what made this T-rexaur so different to the one she was battling with Selphie when she was killed? And why had Rinoa been acting so strange since returned? Her old caring and lovely had completely vanished.  
  
"Could Quistis Trepe please report to the office", Squalls voice crackled loudly over the intercom. I presumed he was summoning me to discuss the events of the past few days and I wanted to ask about my future, if I had any, at Garden. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it until this morning, once Selphies funeral was eventually over. I was praying with all my heart that he would not ask Seifer to leave as he said he would because I knew that if Seifer left I would go with him and follow him to the ends of the earth.  
  
I glanced at Seifer meaning to ask if he was coming with me or staying in the training center. But Rinoa noticed my look.  
  
"Don't worry about him Quistis" She said to me, still with a menacing smile on her lips.  
  
"You can stay her with me, we can train" she said turning to Seifer. "And talk about old times" she said her voice turning stone cold.  
  
I had no choice but to go. My worry was obviously showing on my face, confusion was all over Seifer. I turned my back on them and walked towards the door, before I went into the corridor, I turned at get one last look at them. Seifer was still standing unsure of what to do and Rinoa was looking down on the dead and fading T-rexaur on the floor. But I tore myself away, or I knew I never would.  
  
The bright light of the corridor was a shock compared to the dimness of the training center and I just stood for a few seconds getting back my vision and orientation. I walked slowly to the lift. The hall was deadly quiet, the clicking of my shoes on the floor echoed around the empty halls. I felt as if was walking to my death or doom. The loud ping of the lift door opening snapped me from my morbid thoughts and back to the situation at hand, what if Seifer was told to leave?  
  
I stepped out of the lift into the third floor corridor; it was just as empty as the deserted halls downstairs. Squall answered with a short "Enter", when I knocked on his door. I closed it behind me and sat opposite him before being asked. He had a face like thunder and his eyes were red and bloodshot. But he seemed enormously exhausted and it was looked like a real effort was needed for him to even lift his head. The stresses of running Garden almost by himself were obviously getting to him.  
  
"Squall" I said, nodding my head in a simple greeting. He didn't return my greeting, instead got straight to the point.  
  
"I think I know why you left" He said. "And I think it was my fault. That kiss shouldn't have happened, it was unfair to you, I'm sorry". I was speechless! An apology off the indifferent commander, it was the last thing I had been expecting.  
  
"But I'm pleased your back" He continued, before I could think of any thing to say. Him quickly checked himself and changed back into his usual aloof self.  
  
"I want you to stay here, you were an excellent teacher and we need you skills here, your also being offered the position of sub-commander, my second." I had no idea what to say, the shock were coming thick and fast! It was everything I had wanted, to be a sub-commander! This was wanted more than almost anything else in the world, I loved teaching and I knew that this would be a dream come true.  
  
"But I have one condition" He said to me. I knew it was too perfect. "Seifer must leave. There's no way he can stay, too many people hate him, many want to see blood and I'm one of them" He finished.  
  
I couldn't believe it; I thought he might have let Seifer stay. A  
  
A million thoughts raced through my head each with an argument for staying or leaving with Seifer. Either way I knew I was going to have to give up one love for the other, I just didn't know which one yet. To stay at Garden and live the life I loved doing a wonderful job I loved, or stay with the man who I had fallen in love with in such a short amount of time.  
  
Over the intercom on the desk can the voice of Doctor Kadowaki. "Commander I think you should come to the infirmary, there's been a bad accident involving Seifer and Rinoa" Squall leapt form behind the desk and rushed out to leave, but I couldn't move for fear and panic, Squall stared at me for an impatient second then graded me by the elbow and dragged me out of the room, tears already streaming down my face at the idea of anything having happened to Seifer.  
  
It's taken me shamefully long I know, but Im lazy!!! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! REVIEW!!!! Please!! 


	8. Lies and Nightmares

My last chapter was a shockingly long time ago, almost a year I think (I blame AS levels, did well though!). Okay here I go.  
  
'Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry' Brandy  
  
Squall, still pulling me by the elbow, dragged me into the lift and stabbed at the ground floor button. As the lift slowly descended he tapped his foot impatiently on the floor whilst I stood froze, mute with fear, biting my nails through nervous habit. A thousand questions and ideas ran through my head; another fatal attack featuring Rinoa, coincidence maybe but for some reason I had known not to leave Seifer there with her and now this.  
  
The lift slowed to a halt and Squall jumped out of the doors as soon as they were wide enough to squeeze through and began to run full pelt towards the infirmary. I pursued him as keenly as I could but my running skills fell short of his. Out of the corners of my eyes I saw students turn to look at our strange behavior, among them I saw Zell who followed us as he saw the distress on our faces. Instead of continuing through the infirmary door, Squall suddenly stopped just outside them, his breathing fast from the run but his face pale and cold. He turned to me and reached tenderly cupped my hands in his. 'I don't know', he said as quiet as a whisper. 'I know you have questions and doubts but I'm scared to try and answer them. You must understand.' With that he released my hands and entered the infirmary. For a second I stood there in shock not entirely sure what he meant but Zells hand on my wrist brought me back to reality and he gently lead me through the doors.  
  
The infirmary was a shock of white to my eyes, with heartbreaking bloodstains reminding me of the pains of battle and loss, fresh glistening red streaked the floor and the white sheet covered bed on which Seifer now lay on. His clothes were virtually intact except for his sleeves which had been torn away to reveal long deep scratch marks which he was still bleeding heavily from. He was asleep and was hooked up to various unfeeling machines besides the scratch that marked his cheek and deep dark bruises were just beginning to show on his face he looked as peaceful as a sleeping babe. I looked up at Doctor Kadowaki but no words would form in my lips, I just stood there, unable to make a sound. Her look was one of sheer confusion, as if trying to understand the situation with Seifer and me, when in truth I wasn't entirely sure myself. All I knew for sure was that it was killing me to see him in this terrible state.  
  
'He's in a coma', Rinoa spoke abruptly, no sympathy or feeling in her voice. I was shaking with anger and disgust.  
  
'What did you do? I asked her in a voice too coarse and weak to be my own. A surprised and hurt expression appeared on her face but its falsity was shown in her cold dead eyes and the curl at the edges of her mouth. She said nothing but just sat there with only a few bruises to show for whatever happened, Squall hovered uncomfortably by her side.  
  
'What happened?' he said, breaking the tense and hateful silence. Seifer continued to lye there, unmoving, leaving us with only Rinoas version of events.  
  
'I don't know', she said. 'I think a couple of the monsters must have attacked. I just heard a roar and deep thuds on the ground and then I .I don't know. I must have lost conciseness. When I woke a couple of young students were around me and Seifer was lying on the floor. I thought he was dead.' I wasn't sure if her last sentence was hopeful or guilt ridden. I had no choice to but to believe what she said and wait for Seifer to wake up.  
  
'I don't know if and when he'll wake up, it's impossible to tell' Doctor Kadowaki said from the other side of the room, reminding me of her presence. 'But you can go whenever you like Rinoa, you were lucky to escape with only a few cuts and bruises'. Rinoa rose from the hospital bed she was sat on and walked towards the door but Squall remained where he was. When she realized he hadn't moved she turned and stared at him, expecting him to go with her. With a final glance at me he walked slowly and hesitantly towards her and they left together with Zell and Doctor Kadowaki, leaving my alone with my troubled thoughts.  
  
I sat there for hours, comforted slightly by the regular beeps from the heart machine, a million thoughts running through my mind and a thousand tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't help but wonder why these accidents kept happening around Rinoa but I tried to hold off my suspicions until I heard Seifers version of events. As the night wore on I heard the sounds of the Garden calming down for the night; students returning to their dorms, the kitchens closing and a general hush descending.  
  
I was dreaming. I must have been. Selphie sat on the other side of the hospital bed, her scratches and bruises were gone and she looked the most beautiful I had ever seen her. Her dress had no tears and was the brightest of whites but my eyes didn't hurt to look at it; in fact I was comforted. But she looked sad, her usual bubbly grin was replaced by a look of distress and turmoil and the tears running down her check were not clear but blood red. She raised a hand and placed it lovingly on Seifers arm.  
  
'He is brave' she said to me. 'But not strong enough, I think that no one is strong enough to stop this'. Selphie lifted her hand and wiped away a red tear, leaving a red stain on her cheek.  
  
'We act for love', she continued. 'Nothing else is strong enough to compel us to act the way we do. He acted because of his love for you but she acts through bitterness too, her heart is consumed in anger and no light can penetrate its depths. You will survive this bitterness but many others will be hurt before this is ended. I love you all and I'm so sorry that I cannot stop this but only the living can fight for love, the dead must just remember it and hope the memory of their love never fades'.  
  
My body was shaking with uncontrollable sobs; I missed her so much but was happy she had apparently found some peace.  
  
'I'm scared', I whispered to her and she smiled kindly at me.  
  
'I know', she said. 'But you must be brave for those who cannot be. You must wake up now, but remember, I love you all'.  
  
As she said these last words she disappeared into a bright white light leaving hundreds of white feathers floating where she had been. I awoke with a start and blinked for a few minutes into the darkness of the room trying to remember where I was. I stood and kissed Seifers cold lips softly then went to my rooms and fell into a shallow and troubled sleep.  
  
Well there we go! Im not entirely sure what will happen in the end, I have a couple of ideas but I don't know which one I like the most. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me a review!!! Thank you!! 


	9. Suspicions revealed

This is the first thing I have written in ages! I thought I should try and do something with all the free time they give you at uni, and I'm too lazy to do the reading they want us to do so this happened instead! For some reason I think the tense I use has changed, it seems to be more present, play scripty type thing rather than narrative of the past. Not sure why I've done this it just happened and may change again in the next chapter. Tell me what you think in a lovely review!!

I blinked into the sun as it filtered through my windows and woke me from my repetitive nightmares. In it I was running through Garden, pursued by a female form, I ran terrified, unarmed and alone and as I tried to cry for help no sound left my mouth. After running for what seemed like eternity I entered the Quad to find my friends sitting in circle, ignoring me as I begged them silently to help. Among them sat Selphie, as battered and bruised as I had seen her in my first dream, the others did no more than stare at her as she stared at me. I gave up trying to shout and unable to move I stood still and returned Selphies stare. As the silence became overwhelming I could hear the footsteps of my pursuer behind me, still unable to move I stood there in fear. Just as I could feel the form behind me reach out to grab me, Selphie tilted her head back at an impossible angle and let out a deep loud inhuman bellow that sounded more animal than human. Her cry halted my attacker and at this point I awoke every time.

As a sensible minded person I know that dreams have no meaning, yet I cannot help but try and search for one in this and as I drag my tired and aching body out of bed it plagues my thoughts. In the shower as I watch the steam rise from my skin, my thoughts turn to Seifer, a smile creeps over my face as I am reminded of our long slow shower together, but as I smile I cannot help but cry. My heart is breaking to think of him lying in the medical ward. I know Rinoa had a part in this 'accident', and not just that of the innocent bystander. But what baffles me the most is her reason, why would she do this? What possible reason would she have to hurt Seifer or kill Selphie? Jealousy? Anger? What?! Her recent change of personality is so dramatic that I wonder about the possibility of sorceress powers emerging, and why do I seem to be the only one to have noticed how much she has changed; everyone else is acting like this is the same wonderful, strong, scared Rinoa that we met on the train all that time ago. I knew that Squall had detected a change within Rinoa but he was too scared of losing the one person he loved to ask any questions or air any doubts. But all my suspicions were just that; only suspicions, I have no proof that she's behind these attacks.

I dress slowly, I know that I am simply delaying the inevitable, but I try to put off seeing Seifer in such a heartbreaking state for as long as possible. I'm still not sure of my feeling for him, I know that I have never felt this way about any one before, yet my heart still pounds when I look at Squall, and when he held my hands outside the infirmary my whole body shook.

Eventually I force myself to face the reality of the situation and walk through the corridors towards the infirmary. The corridors are virtually deserted this time of day, all the students are in lessons and the only figures I encounter are those of the faculty sweeping past to reach there various different destinations. Wondering through these halls makes me conscious of how alone I really am; Selphie my best friend dead, Irvine heartbroken and mourning, Zell absorbed in his girlfriend, Squall lost to Rinoa and of course Seifer in a place where I cannot reach him.

At the end of my long slow walk I reach the infirmary but rather than entering immediately, I stand holding the door handle, preparing myself mentally to pull it open and see what I really don't want to. Just as I start to feel like I do not have the mental energy, I pull together what little mental strength I have and heave the door open.

Inside I desperately hoped to see Seifer sitting up in bed fully recovered; instead he is in the same comatose state that I left him in but to my surprise besides him sits Squall. I stand for a minute unsure whether to stay or go but I know that I cannot bring myself to leave now that I am here. I sit across the bed from Squall and a comfortable silence fills the air.

'Hi', he says quietly to me. I guess we're both lost for words and I simply repeat his 'Hi' back to him.

'How are you doing?' he asks me in the same quiet tone. He stops staring at Siefer and looks into my face to search for the truth that I won't ever tell him.

'I'm doing okay', I say to him. 'Still a little shocked I think. Has Rinoa remembered any thing else? Can she give us any clues as to what happened?' I tried not to let the scorn in my voice become too obvious but no doubt Squall, the master of subtly, had noticed.

He sighed despairingly and his eyes crease into a look of confusion. 'No she says that it's all a blur and that she can't understand why all these bad things keep happening around her'

'It is odd' I can't help but let some of my suspicions air. 'How she escapes virtually unharmed and the people she is training with are the ones who get hurt'

Squall continues to stare at me, I can see he has asked himself these same questions; he was my pupil after all, I believe I passed on some of my suspicious nature.

'Just before Seifer was attacked' I continue. 'I saw her kill a T-rexaur in the training centre; she killed it easily and by her self. Why was that one so different to the one that attacked her and Selphie?'

'She's been training a lot since' He says to my, his voice becoming more defensive. To hear my suspicions makes to harder for him to deny his own, I know he wants to pretend like nothing has changed but it's getting harder for him to deny that nothing has. 'You would too if you saw someone died because you weren't strong enough.' He rises abruptly from his chair and hurriedly grabs his things to leave.

'But her levels were staggering when I left her with Seifer!' I stand and shout after him as he walks towards the door. 'There is no good reason why this happened!'

'Look!' Squall says heatedly as he stops and faces me. 'I don't know why this is happening! I don't have all the answers, I love her and I believe what she says. You have to trust the ones you love,' he paused for a moment and looked down at Seifer. 'You trusted that he's not a monster.'

I have nothing more to say to him, he's right; we do have to trust the ones we love or our whole world falls apart. I sit back down as Squall walks out and I realise that I trust Seifer because I think I love him, he could be the monster that everyone claims he is, yet I trust that he isn't. I gaze at his face and wonder - is this the face of a monster? Am I too blinded by passion to see this?

I sit there in that bed side chair for two hours considering this question and my mind does nothing but wonder in circles. I know that sitting here agonising does me no good; I grip the whip at my side and head to the training centre to see how strong the new monsters are myself.

As I walk up the corridor towards the Training centre I hear what sounds like Rinoa shouting for help. For a second I consider just leaving her to the monsters but my better judgement takes over and I realise that this is my chance to see what is really going on. I pull my whip from by my side and run towards her hoping to find some answers to my many questions.

I love cliff-hangers! Don't you? Any way hope you liked it, it has been a long time coming! Please REVIEW!!! I'm very insecure and need reassurance that my efforts are being read. If you hate it tell me why and if you like it then my ego could do with a boost!


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